Selling Your Home While Riding the Roller Coaster of Divorce….

One of the most difficult times you will go through in life is divorce.  It is the end of a dream and the end to a  journey you thought were on forever.  Most people can keep their head and continue through life step by step getting through the logistics but the legal tangle is the toughest part.  Most couples have to sell their home before the can financially move forward with their residence and liquidate the equity to pay for buying a new one or for the moving expenses they will have.  Sure some people can temporarily live with family or rent an apartment, but lets face it, maintaining two households is difficult at best.  Your home stands for your marriage and unity so everything about it reminds you of the marriage that no longer exist.

 

Finding a way to get through the emotional stuff is certainly very important and anything that makes this easier and more rational is the way to go.  In most all cases it is wise to find a real estate agent that you both can work with. This will help reduce the amount of communication and making decisions about price.  During this time you feel like you are losing half of everything and starting over.  In most cases people have not made a great deal of preperation financially for a divorce and your financial resources quickly get reduced because of living expenses and legal fees.  Try to keep everything in perspective.  Pricing your home for the current market is very important and your agent can help you with this.  Remember, that even though you may not get the money that you want, it is best to resolve this issue as quickly as possilbe. 

So you find a Realtor® that you both can agree on and communicate with.  This in itself is difficult because of the need to disagree through a divorce.  Very few people remain rational with one another through a divorce and want to make an issue out of every step of the process.  If you can remember that the decision of the divorce has been made and the quicker you can get through the process the better off everyone will be. The only people that benefit from a divorce dragging on are the attorney’s involved and that is only making it more difficult for the two of you.  Try to work through the issues that you view differently than your spouse and come up with a fair happy medium so you can get on with your life.  Once you have a Realtor®, they do all the communicating for you without either of you having to communicate about anything.  If you can communicate, (pat yourself on the back because most people in your shoes can not) it will be less time consuming but most couples can’t.  Very few people are on the same page going through a divorce, so deciding on price, repairs and responsibility is very tough to do.  Most real estate agents have dealt with this issue many times, and can help you work through the issues allowing you to see the reality of what is best for both of you. 

The main concern is your state laws and how real estate is percieved in divorce court and how it relates to your individual situation.  In Kentucky, married couples have “dior interest” in all real estate owned, which means the couple owns the property with undivided interest. You are probably wise not to buy another home until your divorce is final because any new real estate could very easily then become part of your marital assets.  One option you might have with the market being what it is right now is a contract on a home with a closing to take place 30 days after your divorce is final. But make sure you run this by your attorney before you sign any papers.  Everything that occurs while selling your home will require both Seller’s signature and your Realtor® will help make sure the both of you are protected throughout the process.  You will want to make sure you understand the laws of your state before you sign documents and especially before you buy another home.  At closing you will want to make sure that all of your liens are paid in full and you recieve your share of the equity or that the equity is held in escrow until your divorce is final. 

If one of you is buying the other out on your home, then you will want to “quit claim” the deed and make sure they refinance or remove you (the owner whom is  leaving) from the mortgage.  Otherwise you will continue to show this debt on your credit report.  If you do not have an income to offset anything on your credit report it will reduce your buying power down the road.  This seems simple but for some reason, I have seen many people not get removed from a mortgage.  Your property settlement in the divorce does not over-ride the fact that you are responsible for the note and mortgage unless you have been released from the debt. 

What can happen Example:  I know a couple that went through a divorce.  They sold their home, the divorce was final two months later and all was good.  Two months later the husband called his ex-wife and was furious.  He said he had gone to buy a truck and could not because he still had the mortgage of a duplex they owned on his credit report.  She had recieved the duplex in the divorce so he could retain his 401K, but his attorney had not informed him that she would need to refinance the duplex in order to be removed from the note/mortgage at the bank.  Without income from the duplex which was all going to her, he only had the debt showing on his liabilities.  The outcome was that he had to pay for her to refinance the duplex because she had never agreed to do so.  It cose him another $1800.00 to be able to buy his truck and get the debt out of him name.

Remaining Calm:  Usually their is one person wanting the divorce and one that does not.  This creates what I call the emotional rollercoaster that is uncontrollable and out of control.  If you are on the rollercoaster and are having trouble remaining calm through your divorce I can make you some suggestions on remaining calm through your divorce.

1.  realize you are not alone….you have just joined the other 75% of today’s population and their is an ending to this nightmare.

2. the crazy dreams and nightmares are normal.  If you need an anti-depressant go to your doctor and discuss your situation with them.

3. the book Crazy Time is a good resource to make sure you know that.

4.  Exercise your body and your mind every day a little.

5.  Take baby steps/one day at a time.  Things will start to take a new direction and certainly open doors along the way.

6.  Find someone you can talk to and will listen and listen and listen.  Talk through your emotions because they will change moment by moment.  One minute you love this person and the next you hate them with everything in them.

7.  When you feel you need to do something irrational….find something that can not hurt anyone and that you won’t regret.  Remember you want to come out of this whole situation whole.  Your spouse has taken alot of you and your time, but they do not get anymore than they have already taken.  Being angry is healthy but be cautious what you do with this anger.  Keep it channeld in the right direction and working for you.

Example:  I throuh green tomatoes for 45 minutes in my backyard one day.  What I really wanted to do was go to his workplace and ring her neck right after I kicked him as hard as I could.

8.  Do not put your attorney in the position of having to explain to the judge why you did something stupid.  Whatever it is you are wanting to do….think it through and make sure it will not come back to haunt you.

9.  Remember…..some of the best things you are have come because you learned them the hard way.  You will come out stronger and smarter on the other side of all this.

10.  Paranoid that everyone thinks you are a failure and are talking about you?  Trust me, they are not and if they are it is not for long.  They have their own issues and problems they are worried about.  Most individuals are way to self consumed to be worried about you.  Surround yourself with people you love and that love you.  They will tolerate you no matter what you are going through at any given moment and will support you throughout your divorce.

11.  The quicker you can get off the roller coaster and on with life the better off you will be.

Helpful Sites:

Divorce Secrets

Avoid the 10 Biggest Mistakes Divorce Mistakes

Legally Save Thousands On Your Divorce

Broken Hearted 911 Program

Stimulating the Feeling of Happiness

Brain Music Power

Anxiety and Panic Attacks Self Help Program

Some other Links that may be helpful:

http://www.divorcehq.com/sellingyourhome.html

http://homebuying.about.com/od/sellingahouse/ht/homeprep.htm

http://www.utahcountylistings.com/Seller/divorce.htm